What is your name? Tobey Crawford
What do you look like?
Brad Pitt!
Where are you today and what are you doing? I’m in jail, counting my regrets.
Describe the outside of your home. Right now, there is a big
iron fence surrounding a big cement wall and a couple of turrets that can hold
up to 4 prison guards each.
You come face to face with your worse enemy. How do you
react? Not well. I tried my best to
become him. I probably should not have
done that.
You keep a photo album of memories from your lifetime. If
you could only keep one photo, which one would that be? I’m torn between the
picture of Sophie, the love of my life and the picture from People magazine of
me at the Met Gala at my peak Brad peeing into a planter on the red carpet.
Are you a morning person or a night owl? Right now, I sort of have to be a morning
person. There’s not much to do here at
night except wish you had made different decisions.
A police officer stops you for a minor violation. What
violation is that and how do you react? Well, right now if he stopped me in
traffic, it would probably be for escaping prison. If caught by a traffic cop, I would most
likely surrender to the authorities.
What is your favorite piece of clothing? The leather cape I
wore as Brad to the Met Gala
Do you have any phobias? What are they and how intense are
they? How have they impacted your life? My worst phobia is that no one will
believe my story. I am not a
murderer! But I sort of feel
responsible. I think the impact is
probably deeper than I can imagine. The
only thing that keeps me alive is the idea that one day I’ll have the
satisfaction of revenge.
Open your wallet, purse, or briefcase. What do you find?
Umm, this place doesn’t allow any of those things.
You move into a new home. What's the first thing you buy for
it? A mirror.
How do you feel about mortality? I’m totally against it.
What scares you? Brad
scares me.
How would your parents describe you? A big disappointment to say the least.
What’s the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?
Show the guard that I don’t have any contraband.
Who is your best friend? The guy in cellblock 8 who looks
like Tom Cruise. We trade a lot of war
stories.
Who is your worse enemy?
3 guesses.
Are you faith-oriented?
Not anymore.
Are you married or in a relationship? I’m sort of not in a place for a relationship
right now. Literally.
Do you have children? No
Where is your favorite hangout? The yard
You are at the zoo. What is your favorite animal?
Geckos. The can adapt their skin to
blend in with their environment.
You just woke up to find that war has been declared. What’s
the first thing you would do? Find out
what’s for breakfast.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew
up? I wanted to be a superhero, someone
who was above the normal limitations that our bodies and society impose on
us. I almost got to the top of that
mountain. It was a long fall.
If there was one thing you could change about yourself, what
would that be? Ha! I would change my face to look more like Tom
Hanks and less like Brad Pitt.
I AM NOT BRAD PITT is the first of three riotously absurd tales in Ross Dreiblatt’s debut short-story collection sending up America’s sometimes-fatal celebrity obsessions.
“I Am Not Brad Pitt” opens in a prison cell in which Mr. Pitt’s clone-like doppelganger, Tobey Crawford, remorsefully recounts the sequence of unlikely events that resulted in his wrongful conviction for murder.
The second story, “Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself,” considers the possibility that Keith Richards (along with, for good measure, Dolly Parton) is, indeed, a vampire. Nobel-Prize laureate Bob Dylan, the story’s vampire-killer, is equipped with more than just a harmonica and tambourine.
The final work in the collection, “Keeping Compliant With The Kardashians,” examines whether Kardashian family members are, in fact, aliens from another galaxy and what precisely is their interest on Earth.
Each of the stories are told with engaging humor, and each pokes fun more at American culture than they do, generally, of the celebrities themselves.
“Ross’s stories stay with you long after you’ve read them. The main characters have a relatable humanity that pull the reader in as they face an array of absurd situations. Every story is a guaranteed good time.” – Pat Griffith, author of THE DPA TRILOGY
Book Information
Release Date: November 14, 2021
Publisher: Stone Tiger Books
Soft Cover: ISBN: 978-1735667683; 391 pages; $11.00; E-Book, $2.99; Kindle Unlimited, FREE
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59610948-i-am-not-brad-pitt-and-other-stories
Amazon: https://amzn.to/3mBsxgF
You can also purchase book at the author’s website at www.RossDreiblatt.com.
I AM NOT BRAD PITT is the first of three riotously absurd tales in Ross Dreiblatt’s debut short-story collection sending up America’s sometimes-fatal celebrity obsessions.
“I Am Not Brad Pitt” opens in a prison cell in which Mr. Pitt’s clone-like doppelganger, Tobey Crawford, remorsefully recounts the sequence of unlikely events that resulted in his wrongful conviction for murder.
The second story, “Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself,” considers the possibility that Keith Richards (along with, for good measure, Dolly Parton) is, indeed, a vampire. Nobel-Prize laureate Bob Dylan, the story’s vampire-killer, is equipped with more than just a harmonica and tambourine.
The final work in the collection, “Keeping Compliant With The Kardashians,” examines whether Kardashian family members are, in fact, aliens from another galaxy and what precisely is their interest on Earth.
Each of the stories are told with engaging humor, and each pokes fun more at American culture than they do, generally, of the celebrities themselves.
“Ross’s stories stay with you long after you’ve read them. The main characters have a relatable humanity that pull the reader in as they face an array of absurd situations. Every story is a guaranteed good time.” – Pat Griffith, author of THE DPA TRILOGY
Book Information
Release Date: November 14, 2021
Publisher: Stone Tiger Books
Soft Cover: ISBN: 978-1735667683; 391 pages; $11.00; E-Book, $2.99; Kindle Unlimited, FREE
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59610948-i-am-not-brad-pitt-and-other-stories
Amazon: https://amzn.to/3mBsxgF
You can also purchase book at the author’s website at www.RossDreiblatt.com.
Ross Dreiblatt is an author who was born and grew up in New York. His father was a truck driver and his mom was a retail manager. He attended Hofstra University and moved to Los Angeles where he attended Cal State Northridge. While in Los Angeles, he studied under John Rechy’s master writing workshop at UCLA.
He has worked in the corporate offices of major retailers in Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York City, and Florida toiling on spreadsheets by day, and the imaginary lives of celebrity monsters by night.
He loves to travel and will get on a plane going anywhere, as long as it eventually lands safely. Despite the dour photo, he is kind of a happy guy.
He currently lives in South Florida.
His latest book is the literary fiction / humor / satire novel, I AM NOT BRAD PITT AND OTHER STORIES.
You can visit his website at www.RossDreiblatt.com or connect with him on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.
No comments:
Post a Comment